Mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law??

[theking]

Based on my observations over the years, there are way more mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law issues than father-in-law vs. son-in-law issues on average. I've lent my ears to female friends and collogues on many occasions over the years when they complained about their mother-in-law...

My wife and mom is not like that nor are my brothers' wives and my mom so I don't really know why the number of cases is so high in regards to mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law compared to father vs. son.

Any ideas? 

[ProudLao]

Women, always women. Lol

[DuMa]

expectations are different with the gender

testosterone stands in the way for any father in law to really care much about his son in law. 

but with mother in law?  She expects so much out of her new daughter in law aka newly bought maid for her enjoyment. 

[Mr_Mechanic]

IDK, i have heard that two women can't be in the same household.  Where, one wants things done a certain way and the other wants things done a certain way.  Then "BOOM".   

[Reporter]

No comments.

[Freeman]

Women thing will never ending.. Don't waste your time for something that is normal

[EllisIsland]

I have two SILs that absolutely does not get along with my MIL or the family.

For me I get along great with my MIL and in laws. Why? Because for me I don't care what my MIL think of me. I'm confident, I don't need anyone's approval and I believe people are entitled to not like me, even my MIL. I don't engage in argument with my MIL. I don't complain or b.tch about what my MIL does, don't do, say do say to one nyab versa me, how she treats the other grandkids compare to my kids. And when my MIL asked me to do something I cannot do, I am honest with her and tell her I can't do it and if that makes me a bad person, I will bare that name. I also don't go complain and b.tich to my parents about what my MIL is doing, isn't doing for me , to me. I leave my MIL alone. And when she yells at my husband for something, I don't intervene. She can yell at her son all she wants. It's between them. And when there's gossip that my MIL is saying this or that about me, I don't care nor bring it up. But if  my MIL brings it up, I tell her " Its okay. Whether you have said or not, it doesn't matter to me." and simply mean it and continue to treat her the same as everyday. I never share with my parents about what goes on with my MIL so my MIL and parents are on good term. Over time she came to like me a lot and stop giving me dirty looks. lol

Why the other SILs don't get along with her, or why the family doesn't like them? Well, first they bit.ch and complain to their husbands and my  MIL about every little thing my MIL isn't doing, or doing to them that isn't fair or is hurtful. They also go tell their parents about everything that goes on. Than their parents wants to take my MIL to Hmong court and there is tension between my MIL and their parents.  They cry fowl and always so dam hurt by everything. They call me MIL out for some shi.t that isn't even worth it. These SILs are so dumb, they don't know how to pick their battles. They just fight even battles that isn't even worth fighting lol. They want to have a good relationship with their husband's sisters and brothers, but they fail to understand that their relationship with the sisters and brothers are dependent on their relationship with their MIL because my MIL's daughters and most sons are very protective of her and has a good relationship with her.

[theking]

I have two SILs that absolutely does not get along with my MIL or the family.

For me I get along great with my MIL and in laws. Why? Because for me I don't care what my MIL think of me. I'm confident, I don't need anyone's approval and I believe people are entitled to not like me, even my MIL. I don't engage in argument with my MIL. I don't complain or b.tch about what my MIL does, don't do, say do say to one nyab versa me, how she treats the other grandkids compare to my kids. And when my MIL asked me to do something I cannot do, I am honest with her and tell her I can't do it and if that makes me a bad person, I will bare that name. I also don't go complain and b.tich to my parents about what my MIL is doing, isn't doing for me , to me. I leave my MIL alone. And when she yells at my husband for something, I don't intervene. She can yell at her son all she wants. It's between them. And when there's gossip that my MIL is saying this or that about me, I don't care nor bring it up. But if  my MIL brings it up, I tell her " Its okay. Whether you have said or not, it doesn't matter to me." and simply mean it and continue to treat her the same as everyday. I never share with my parents about what goes on with my MIL so my MIL and parents are on good term. Over time she came to like me a lot and stop giving me dirty looks. lol

Why the other SILs don't get along with her, or why the family doesn't like them? Well, first they bit.ch and complain to their husbands and my  MIL about every little thing my MIL isn't doing, or doing to them that isn't fair or is hurtful. They also go tell their parents about everything that goes on. Than their parents wants to take my MIL to Hmong court and there is tension between my MIL and their parents.  They cry fowl and always so dam hurt by everything. They call me MIL out for some shi.t that isn't even worth it. These SILs are so dumb, they don't know how to pick their battles. They just fight even battles that isn't even worth fighting lol. They want to have a good relationship with their husband's sisters and brothers, but they fail to understand that their relationship with the sisters and brothers are dependent on their relationship with their MIL because my MIL's daughters and most sons are very protective of her and has a good relationship with her.

Great story EI, thanks for sharing, +1 for your thought provoking input! 

And I agree, gotta be "honest" when communicating these issues just as I told PH member, Tou_Yang that was having issues with his in-laws.

http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,410338.0.html

Let them know how you feel and be honest about it and then go from there...

BTW, are you from New York?

I'm just wondering because my wife was born and raised there..

[DuMa]

I have two SILs that absolutely does not get along with my MIL or the family.

For me I get along great with my MIL and in laws. Why? Because for me I don't care what my MIL think of me. I'm confident, I don't need anyone's approval and I believe people are entitled to not like me, even my MIL. I don't engage in argument with my MIL. I don't complain or b.tch about what my MIL does, don't do, say do say to one nyab versa me, how she treats the other grandkids compare to my kids. And when my MIL asked me to do something I cannot do, I am honest with her and tell her I can't do it and if that makes me a bad person, I will bare that name. I also don't go complain and b.tich to my parents about what my MIL is doing, isn't doing for me , to me. I leave my MIL alone. And when she yells at my husband for something, I don't intervene. She can yell at her son all she wants. It's between them. And when there's gossip that my MIL is saying this or that about me, I don't care nor bring it up. But if  my MIL brings it up, I tell her " Its okay. Whether you have said or not, it doesn't matter to me." and simply mean it and continue to treat her the same as everyday. I never share with my parents about what goes on with my MIL so my MIL and parents are on good term. Over time she came to like me a lot and stop giving me dirty looks. lol

Why the other SILs don't get along with her, or why the family doesn't like them? Well, first they bit.ch and complain to their husbands and my  MIL about every little thing my MIL isn't doing, or doing to them that isn't fair or is hurtful. They also go tell their parents about everything that goes on. Than their parents wants to take my MIL to Hmong court and there is tension between my MIL and their parents.  They cry fowl and always so dam hurt by everything. They call me MIL out for some shi.t that isn't even worth it. These SILs are so dumb, they don't know how to pick their battles. They just fight even battles that isn't even worth fighting lol. They want to have a good relationship with their husband's sisters and brothers, but they fail to understand that their relationship with the sisters and brothers are dependent on their relationship with their MIL because my MIL's daughters and most sons are very protective of her and has a good relationship with her.

I think all of your BIL are a bunch of weak and spineless wimps.  Sure it is the woman that gave birth to them but they are all adults now and they are out of the nest.  It is time for them to grow some ball and start protecting the person who is going to carry their children.  I kick my own parents to the curve if they do an unjust to my wife.  My wife is weak in my family as an inlaw and that is a given and she needs all the support and help she can get.  I'm tired of seeing these mama boys be mommy boys that puts friction or even have to choose between their parents or their spouse.  It should be spouse first, then your kids then your parents last.  You have your own nest now so fly away and live your own life. 

Basically, if it is not culturally inclined then whoever is on the wrong, I will prosecute them just as pretty.  I'll tell my wife to stop nitpicking on her MIL in exchange for my protection.  Everyone must learn how to leave each other alone and just live.  Disown me?  Go ahead but one thing for sure.  I'm not getting a divorce just because I'm picking my parents over my spouse BS issues. 

If you can't love  her more than your own mother then don't marry her.  Stay single and be a mommy's boy.  Bottom line. 

[EllisIsland]

What are you talking about? Yes it’s true these BILs are wussy but to me I think my mil isn’t the problem, the nyabs are. Their poor reaction is causing them issue. And no you got it wrong. You don’t marry someone you can love as much as your mom. You marry someone who can love your mom and family as much as you.

For me I love and respect my husband so I extends that to my in laws. So because I see them as one as my husband, I don’t get offended or react defensively about what my mil does or don’t do.