When You Were Going Through A Divorce

[Dok_Champa]

What do you need most from friends/family?

[Reporter]

People are making a mistake by always being resourceful. They can introduce you to a new lover very quickly, some times even before you divorce.

That's not helpful at all. Who says the divorcing people are ready for new romances that quickly?

[theking]

Depends on the individuals involved...som e are perfectly fine with getting a divorce and can't wait til it's final, and also have even celebrated their divorce so they can move forward with their new romance...in style.

[Dok_Champa]

A person I know is going through a divorce and I'm not sure what to do/say to make things better, to comfort her during this difficult times.  Since I didn't know what to do or say, we had dinner and I just listen to her, let her go through the grieving process and got her flowers.  Flowers can be like a ray of sunshine, a bouquet of Spring, and hopefully that will cheer her a little bit. 

Going thru a divorce is one of the hardest thing, I"m thinking, and what can a person really say to another...to make it better.  I'm at a loss for words.

[Reporter]

If she is the one being divorced, that can be hard. If she's the one divorcing, she already knows how to handle it. So, first, find out which position she is taking before you worry too much about her.

A person I know is going through a divorce and I'm not sure what to do/say to make things better, to comfort her during this difficult times.  Since I didn't know what to do or say, we had dinner and I just listen to her, let her go through the grieving process and got her flowers.  Flowers can be like a ray of sunshine, a bouquet of Spring, and hopefully that will cheer her a little bit. 

Going thru a divorce is one of the hardest thing, I"m thinking, and what can a person really say to another...to make it better.  I'm at a loss for words.

[Freeman]

Rau kuv mas thiab kuv qhov kev sib nrauj mas kuv kuj xav hnov kuv cov ntxheeb ze thiab phoojywg lo lus hais rau kuv tias koj txawm sib nrauj lawm los peb yeej tseem nrog koj li qub tsis muaj dab tsi hloov li. Ntawm neb ces neb ua neb xwb hos ntawm peb thiab koj ces nyob li qub xwb muaj ab tsi los hais peb paub hos peb muaj noj muaj haus es peb hu los tuaj koom nawb.. Lo no mas xav hnov tshaj plaws

[Dok_Champa]

If she is the one being divorced, that can be hard. If she's the one divorcing, she already knows how to handle it. So, first, find out which position she is taking before you worry too much about her.

She was blindsided w/ the divorce. 

Rau kuv mas thiab kuv qhov kev sib nrauj mas kuv kuj xav hnov kuv cov ntxheeb ze thiab phoojywg lo lus hais rau kuv tias koj txawm sib nrauj lawm los peb yeej tseem nrog koj li qub tsis muaj dab tsi hloov li. Ntawm neb ces neb ua neb xwb hos ntawm peb thiab koj ces nyob li qub xwb muaj ab tsi los hais peb paub hos peb muaj noj muaj haus es peb hu los tuaj koom nawb.. Lo no mas xav hnov tshaj plaws

Ok ua tsaug os.

[Reporter]

Good. Now you know what her position is. You can start worrying about her now.

She was blindsided w/ the divorce. 

[ProudLao]

For me it was absolutely nothing. I prefer solitude and peace.

[floaty]

Its a lot of pain going through this process. A lot of time we like to be left alone but a nice hey, how are you doing from our favorite friends can help. Or a nice lunch dinner is helpful. I find comfort in visiting spas and treating myself. No one truly knows what the one hurting feels eventhough they have gone through it. It does hurt. There's embarassment, shame, guilts and a lot of revisiting past memories in asking what happened.. what if and what could have been. No one wants to be in this position. No one asks to feel this way or of the pain. It just happens. So to be a good friend... ask once in a while, if they are doing ok. Ask once in a while if they like to grab a meal. Ask once in a while if they like to do a road trip.. only ask if your spouse has no issue with it and will not get involved. I also see where the divorcee falls for her friend's husband cuz they were so involved in helping her heal. Thats why I try to stay far away from everyone's husband in respect for their relationship and their friendship.

[Reporter]

Did you ever ask yourself if YOUR divorce--not just any divorce--was the right thing to do?

Its a lot of pain going through this process. A lot of time we like to be left alone but a nice hey, how are you doing from our favorite friends can help. Or a nice lunch dinner is helpful. I find comfort in visiting spas and treating myself. No one truly knows what the one hurting feels eventhough they have gone through it. It does hurt. There's embarassment, shame, guilts and a lot of revisiting past memories in asking what happened.. what if and what could have been. No one wants to be in this position. No one asks to feel this way or of the pain. It just happens. So to be a good friend... ask once in a while, if they are doing ok. Ask once in a while if they like to grab a meal. Ask once in a while if they like to do a road trip.. only ask if your spouse has no issue with it and will not get involved. I also see where the divorcee falls for her friend's husband cuz they were so involved in helping her heal. Thats why I try to stay far away from everyone's husband in respect for their relationship and their friendship.

[Dok_Champa]

Its a lot of pain going through this process. A lot of time we like to be left alone but a nice hey, how are you doing from our favorite friends can help. Or a nice lunch dinner is helpful. I find comfort in visiting spas and treating myself. No one truly knows what the one hurting feels eventhough they have gone through it. It does hurt. There's embarassment, shame, guilts and a lot of revisiting past memories in asking what happened.. what if and what could have been. No one wants to be in this position. No one asks to feel this way or of the pain. It just happens. So to be a good friend... ask once in a while, if they are doing ok. Ask once in a while if they like to grab a meal. Ask once in a while if they like to do a road trip.. only ask if your spouse has no issue with it and will not get involved. I also see where the divorcee falls for her friend's husband cuz they were so involved in helping her heal. Thats why I try to stay far away from everyone's husband in respect for their relationship and their friendship.

Thanks for sharing, very helpful.

[Believe_N_Me]

They just want to feel included even if they're too depressed and feeling ashamed to show up at family events or keep appointments with friends.

[DuMa]

Divorce is a breakup.

If you been through too many breakups like I have, you grow some thick skin and treats every relationship like a business.

If you don't want my business, I'll get it elsewhere. 

I don't have a problem finding a replacement.  When in a relationship, my psychotic side would wonder what it feels like to date again. 

Now not acting upon it makes me a good boy and women who do know, better know what they are holding onto here. 

[Dok_Champa]

They just want to feel included even if they're too depressed and feeling ashamed to show up at family events or keep appointments with friends.

Yes agree and people shouldn't change how they treat others from before the divorce to after for both parties.  I have a a close family she became a widow and she just stopped contacting us like we're no longer families or something and just hang out w/ her single friends.  For a long time I've included her but it's more a one way effort so now i'm slowly given up...

Divorce is a breakup.

If you been through too many breakups like I have, you grow some thick skin and treats every relationship like a business.

If you don't want my business, I'll get it elsewhere. 

I don't have a problem finding a replacement.  When in a relationship, my psychotic side would wonder what it feels like to date again. 

Now not acting upon it makes me a good boy and women who do know, better know what they are holding onto here. 

I think you're closing yourself out, coping mechanism, and it's not healthy.