Opposite Sex Friends

[Believe_N_Me]

I'm very old school and don't think it's healthy for spouses to have opposite gender friends. Of course, people have their own definition of what a friend is. A friend to me is someone whom you feel comfortable opening up to, spend time with, and can rely on for favors. So as you can see, having an opposite gender friend (per my definition) creates an opportunity for emotional cheating, which can lead to physical cheating.

Now if you're talking about opposite gender acquaintance then that is a totally different thing. An acquaintance to me is someone you know (as in you can identify who they are), but on a very formal and professional level only. You're not comfortable opening up to them because they are essentially still a stranger and one whom you have no inclination to know better. You only come across them on a professional level. Very transactional only.

Having said that, it's even more disrespectful to a spouse or you to keep opposite gender friends who are attracted to you and would not hesitate to entertain you. I'm sick and tired of the people who say, "just because s/he likes me doesn't mean that I like her/him. Why are you so insecure?"

While that may be true that you don't have the feels for them, it raises questions why you/your spouse need to keep the crushes in orbit. Other than to feed your own ego, lift your self-esteem, and to manipulate your spouse to fear that you have options. And honestly, if you or your spouse claim that it doesn't cause insecurity then you probably have a transactional marriage where they don't have deep feelings for you, and are only with you because you supply basic needs for them. And if that's why you got married and it's working for you then by all means, go with your transactional marriage.

However, all in all, it is just plain disrespectful to your spouse and your relationship to keep around people who aren't adding to your marriage.

[Believe_N_Me]

"Micro-cheating"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSHQKvgr9hs

[Believe_N_Me]

Questions to ask if your spouse claims s/he is just a "friend":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfpnnjRcskM

[Believe_N_Me]

Cheating is already hurtful but when you discover that the other man/woman is a friend or someone who was around you and your family, that hurts twice as much. The betrayal hits harder. In fact, they don't even have to have been cheating with each other. The fact that they would date after your relationship ended is still offensive. It also says that these two people lack a lot of integrity.

[Prude]

It's hard to maintain being that of an acquaintance if you are
opposite sexes. Feelings will draw you out of that into the friendship
status and then into a third, perhaps even a fourth--lovers and then
spouses--respectively. (Beyond that, of course, ex-spouses for many.)

I was first an acquaintance to a woman. We only knew each other
in the community and respected each other so. She was married
and I wasn't.

Then I became a friend when she had domestic issues with
her husband. He had taken on another woman.

Notice I wrote that "I became a friend", not that "she became
a friend."

I kept my position as an acquaintance but she didn't. She
kept calling me to talk about their situation and even
cried to me over the phone. One day she admitted to me
that she missed me and that she has accidentally told
him that she missed me.

[JonniJacko]

one little thing leads to another, then to another.

it really depends on each couple...Perso nally, I don't really care..if she is going to lunch with a male co worker or long time friend, let me know, or invite me along...Is she says, no worries, He's gay...I say, ask for a double date, I have a gay friend too...lols some gay people pretend to be gay to get close to women..

honestly, its safe to play it safe..if your spouse do the same and you won't like it, don't do it.

Just glad I'm not married...subc onsciously I foresee all these type of issues...We all might as well just act like how they do it in the animal channels...lma o

[Prude]

one little thing leads to another, then to another.

it really depends on each couple...Perso nally, I don't really care..if she is going to lunch with a male co worker or long time friend, let me know, or invite me along...Is she says, no worries, He's gay...I say, ask for a double date, I have a gay friend too...lols some gay people pretend to be gay to get close to women..

honestly, its safe to play it safe..if your spouse do the same and you won't like it, don't do it.

Just glad I'm not married...subc onsciously I foresee all these type of issues...We all might as well just act like how they do it in the animal channels...lma o

If  my wife had an opposite-sex friend, I don't need to see them on dates.

[JonniJacko]

If  my wife had an opposite-sex friend, I don't need to see them on dates.

If they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat. whether they have opposite sex friends or not. You expect them to know the consequence and that you will find out one way or another eventually. The punishment is, death by beheading...lo ls jk Instant divorce, no if buts, or whys...lols

[Believe_N_Me]

It's hard to maintain being that of an acquaintance if you are
opposite sexes. Feelings will draw you out of that into the friendship
status and then into a third, perhaps even a fourth--lovers and then
spouses--respectively. (Beyond that, of course, ex-spouses for many.)

I was first an acquaintance to a woman. We only knew each other
in the community and respected each other so. She was married
and I wasn't.

Then I became a friend when she had domestic issues with
her husband. He had taken on another woman.

Notice I wrote that "I became a friend", not that "she became
a friend."

I kept my position as an acquaintance but she didn't. She
kept calling me to talk about their situation and even
cried to me over the phone. One day she admitted to me
that she missed me and that she has accidentally told
him that she missed me.

There was no reason to do that unless you were seeking validation. (Or hoping to become her other man lol)

[Dok_Champa]

Yes it's possible..  I mean if other race can be friend with the opposite sex why can't us Hmong?  After all, we're the same human being?  Are we saying we hmoob people have less self control? We don't know our boundaries? We can't think for ourselves?  If other race can do it so can we.  Maybe we just never put it to the test or maybe we did but we just don't talk about it  OR maybe we're just too afraid to go outside our comfort zone. 

[Prude]

There was no reason to do that unless you were seeking validation. (Or hoping to become her other man lol)

I wasn't quite sure what I was getting
myself into but I was ready to just listen to her.

[Prude]

If they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat. whether they have opposite sex friends or not. You expect them to know the consequence and that you will find out one way or another eventually. The punishment is, death by beheading...lo ls jk Instant divorce, no if buts, or whys...lols

True. The more I block them, the smarter they'd become
in sneaking out. Then they'll have more excitement in
sneaking out. The harder the  husband restricts, the
better she and the boyfriend feel in bed together. Etc.

[JonniJacko]

Yes it's possible..  I mean if other race can be friend with the opposite sex why can't us Hmong?  After all, we're the same human being?  Are we saying we hmoob people have less self control? We don't know our boundaries? We can't think for ourselves?  If other race can do it so can we.  Maybe we just never put it to the test or maybe we did but we just don't talk about it  OR maybe we're just too afraid to go outside our comfort zone.

Men of different race are no different from Hmong men...maybe even worse. lols.

[JonniJacko]

True. The more I block them, the smarter they'd become
in sneaking out. Then they'll have more excitement in
sneaking out. The harder the  husband restricts, the
better she and the boyfriend feel in bed together. Etc.

You just add more wood into the fire huh...lmao