In all the traditionalfun erals I've attended, burial sites and the meal/thank you/discussion and 13 days after ceremony, I have never seen the candle part? Could it be with the christian side?
Ok, let me clear up (educate everyone) about this (these types of) "sideline observation ignorance" -- as I am probably the only PHer who has a clue (sound knowledge) of and about anything Hmong; history, culture, and customs etc..
And in all fairness to SummerBerry, she actually got a minute piece of it "
correct/right" (that is in
RED). And that is " the
nyab holding
the candle crossing over cannot be at the burial site or go there " . Beyond that, there is "
NO candle", and whatever is meant by "
crossing over", that, I have no clue as neither of these are found inherently within a traditional Hmong funeral rite/ritual.
So here is the
CORRECT/RIGHT procedure (process) regarding the daughter-in-law's (
nyab) role and why she cannot be present at the burial. (The biggest reason why everyone; specifically US-born Hmong kids/adults -- meaning you, all of you PHers -- are completely clueless about this particular procedure (process) is because IT IS NOT, or strictly practiced/observed anymore nowadays as it use to be back in SE Asia. I have only witnessed it TWICE in over several decades of my participation in any/all Hmong funerals I have attended and helped out here in the USA.)
1. On the day of the burial when the casket is being lead (taken) out of the funeral home, a daughter-in-law (
nyab) is tasked to lead the way. She is called or referred to as "
nyab taws tsaug", or "
nyab nqab tsaug" -- NOT a candle. Nowadays, she actually carries a bundle of lit "josing essence sticks" -- NOT a candle. Back in SE Asia, she would carry a "piece of burning timber", or a "bundle of burning twigs". Basically she is carrying "fire to light the way in darkness (death)" to put it simply, or metaphorically, to lead and guide everyone in darkness (death), at the very least outside of the funeral home, or place of funeral rites, and on their way to the burial site (grave).
She is followed by a reed player (txiv qeej) who is playing his reed pipe to aide (entice) the dead (casket) to follow, leading it to its burial (grave). The casket then follows, being carried by loved ones -- the sons of the deceased.
2. Along the way, about half-way or less, on route to the burial (grave), the daughter-in-law (
nyab) will toss away (or place) the burning timber (twigs, or josing sticks) in a safe place to let it burn through/out. Immediately she will return home -- to the residence of the family of the deceased, as they will be returning. The reason she is going there and not to the burial site is because she has to make preparations for the returning family (relatives, in-laws, and loved ones). This does not necessarily mean she is going there to prepare a meal for everyone on their return, but it could include this if prior preparations are made.
The "MAIN/SOLE REASON" she cannot attend the burial and is going back before everyone is to prepare TWO things for everyone upon their return. ONE, she must get and setup a bucket or pale of water outside so that everyone returning home can wash (cleanse) their hands. TWO, she must also start a fire outside of the house so that everyone returning home can dry their washed hands and must step over the fire before entering the home. BOTH of these are done to "WARD of evil spirits" (or even the deceased) that may have followed anyone from the burial site back.This, what I have explained, is consistent with and is found inherently (practiced/observed) within a traditional Hmong funereal rite/ritual. (Ua tsaug.)