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Peachy Fish
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« on: April 29, 2010, 03:47:06 PM » |
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If you're a guy who plans on marrying in the future to a Hmong chick, are you paying the bride dowry with your own hard-earned cash or will you be like the majority of the Hmong guys and ask your parents or family to help pay for you?
I know so many boys who married so young, but the majority of them had their parents pay for the dowry. I know boys who just take their girls home without consulting their parents first, only to find out their parents aren't able to pay any dowry right then. When I do have kids, I'm going to tell them: if you want to marry, you better have the money for this wedding and to live on your own.
Seriously, the way I look at it, if the boy or girl feels that they're ready for marriage, they should make their own money and pay for the dowry themselves. What do you think?
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« Last Edit: April 29, 2010, 04:23:52 PM by Peachy Fish »
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good-in-deed
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« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2010, 08:24:32 PM » |
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hm.. i know someone who had to pay for the dowry and his wedding all by himself because he wanted to marry her, but his parents didn't really like her for some particular reason, not sure what it was.
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jbutton
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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2010, 03:13:01 PM » |
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I will probably pay 90% and leave 10% for my parents to pay. I don't want to leave them out and make them feel that I no longer need them.
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Peachy Fish
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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2010, 09:48:50 AM » |
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I completely understand that it's tradition to provide the son w/a wife, but I feel it's time for a change.
If my son works at a place earning only $8/hr, there is no way that I'm going to help him pay dowry, because I know that he cannot afford to even feed himself. I don't want to help him subject another being to a life full of hardships.
Plus Hmong teenagers take their parents' gift of dowry for granted...many of them don't understand how hard it's for the parents to earn that money. Just to make Hmong teenagers appreciate their parents' gift and marriage more, I think that Hmong parents should think twice about giving up the entire dowry amount for their sons. They should make their sons earn it.
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« Last Edit: May 05, 2010, 09:51:44 AM by Peachy Fish »
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beester
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« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2010, 09:49:46 AM » |
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I don't believe in the dowry process and will abolish it when I become a parent. I will not require a dowry with my kids. It just isn't right in my mind. The thought behind it is pretty solid, but these days it's all about the money. You just have to believe that your daughter chose her groom for a reason and that their happiness is all that matters.
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MilesDaddy
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« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2010, 10:53:23 PM » |
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My in laws didn't make me pay... But I can tell you that my "white wedding" cost almost 30 K. So trust me when I tell you that I did pay....It was literally my life savings
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sprite
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« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2010, 10:11:00 AM » |
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I'm with you on having them pay for it themselves. At least most of it anyways.
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fuglyhottie
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« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2010, 09:18:03 AM » |
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I completely understand that it's tradition to provide the son w/a wife, but I feel it's time for a change.
If my son works at a place earning only $8/hr, there is no way that I'm going to help him pay dowry, because I know that he cannot afford to even feed himself. I don't want to help him subject another being to a life full of hardships.
Plus Hmong teenagers take their parents' gift of dowry for granted...many of them don't understand how hard it's for the parents to earn that money. Just to make Hmong teenagers appreciate their parents' gift and marriage more, I think that Hmong parents should think twice about giving up the entire dowry amount for their sons. They should make their sons earn it.
You're going to be a good Mom in law some day Peachy. |
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Be good or be good at it.
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Peachy Fish
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« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2010, 09:09:57 PM » |
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You're going to be a good Mom in law some day Peachy.
Thanks FH.  |
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Lady_Fallin
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« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2011, 12:26:10 AM » |
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I'm not a fan of the dowry... but I will respect my parents' wishes. My s/o and I are saving up so that we can split it half half. Marriage is a commitment, and means helping one another out. And so yes.. I agree. It makes sense to split the bill.  But I think that if one expects one's parents to pay for the dowry, you better love them and pay them back! Don't be like my stupid cousins who don't even appreciate their parents, even after their parents helped pay the dowry twice for their ex-wife and current wife. -_- |
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There's a difference between being honest...and a total jack butt. |
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vmoua05
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« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2011, 07:26:48 AM » |
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If my parents didn't already set aside money then I would pay with my own money or possibly take out a loan if things happened earlier than expected but my parents already have a fund set up for us just enough for a Hmong wedding.
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xtcxyooj
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« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2011, 09:04:18 AM » |
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i've seen some ppls get back from in-laws and their cousins twice of what they pay the "dowry", not all in cash but gifts and cash... now that's a win win situation if ur a guy you've come out on the + side . on a side note i feel sorry for those kids who are married young and now have kids and are divorce... but those who did find "true love" give yourself a pat on the back! you're never to young for love, but your always to young for marriage/commitment! |
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yuknowthat
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« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2011, 07:26:04 PM » |
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my parents did set money aside for me because of marriage but i suggest them not to pay for it..i suggest the gf and me should fork the money out of our pocket to do it because it's both our wedding it's not only mine nor her..i am not going to fork the money out of my own pocket only..it's us not u or me but if it's my kid i still save money up for it just in case he's coming up short somewhere...
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precious_nkaujhli_chi
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« Reply #13 on: January 13, 2011, 05:07:48 AM » |
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i've seen some ppls get back from in-laws and their cousins twice of what they pay the "dowry", not all in cash but gifts and cash... now that's a win win situation if ur a guy you've come out on the + side . my parents said receiving the dowery of two daughters doesn't make up to the cost of ib tus nyaab, but thanks for the $5K set dowery...we are able to pay up... i totally agree that the bride and groom should split the dowery bill... |
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DeceiversChick
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« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2011, 08:31:16 AM » |
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When I'm a parent in the future I would only pay the max of 20% for the marriage. BOTH of them will need to fork up the 80%. If they want to be married they will both need to have a stable job and both will need to responsible adults before they are married.
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