I'm disturbed over Panhia Vue's corpse case.

[yuknowthat]

depends on the situation! if these folks can't use their good judgement then they're no better themselves to even take that Rau nco from the wedding of day 1!

The problem isn't going to fix itself if somebody isn't going to do something about it. Just like a leaking pipe..

[yuknowthat]

There could be issue where she is wrong too..

i suggest women respect themselves and value themselves; therefore, others will respect you..

[zena]

How sad.

[Reporter]

Can't read all of your hmoob but I agree with you in the fact that NO ONE (not even on the Vue side) could speak up for her. Be the voice for her and have their demands. When you can't speak up, people will eventually step all over you. And when you allow someone to do this to your OWN person, why should the world care? The rest of the people will just turn a blind eye, because tsis yog lawv tus neeg.

Li ko es tog twg los thiaj kav liam lawm mas. Hmoob Vwj los hais tias "nws mus ua nej neeg, nej dab lawm; tsis yog peb tus neeg lawm." Hmoog Xyooj los hais tias, "Nws yog nej roj, nej ntshav; tsis yog peb yug; tsis yog peb tus neeg."

Imagine what else the rest of world could be saying. You are right.

[Reporter]

exactly......because Neeg ruam tsis ntse ces zoo li no..

elders been through all this and seen this type of situation happens back in the days. They're so afraid for situation like this to happen again. Some of them setup the traditional wedding with a system of RAU NCO rau Nus Tij Nus Npaws! if something is to happen and the parents are no longer living. They are responsible to discuss with you about your hardships in marriage as parents and protect you. Because many married hmong women were kinda stupid or naive and young at the time and so is the husband. Tau tu siab ntev ces zoo hos, tau tu siab luv ces mas ncaws thiab Pots and pans flying every where everyday xwb.

Thiab ncaws poj niam thiab.

[lilly]

i recently learned that both the xiong and vue clans did not want to do her funeral because when someone dies so horribly like she did, it is bad omen to the people that performs the funeral.  and that in laos, people usually did not do (the usual hmong) funerals for people who were murdered or tortured to death... 

i wanted to find out more but i was too scared to ask more... 

[Reporter]

The only problem is, do these people take their role serious when that time comes? Or are they just going to tell her to go back home and ua siab ntev. Because I've seen and hear it over and over again with the hmong community. NO one wants to lose face. They are afraid to cause a drama or animosity between two clans.

They don't want to solve your problems, so they tell you to lengthen your heart (be patient). That's just to end your request for them to help you solve your problems.

Easy, huh? But then who among our elders are trained psychologists that can listen to and treat our marital discords?

[Reporter]

depends on the situation! if these folks can't use their good judgement then they're no better themselves to even take that Rau nco from the wedding of day 1!

The problem isn't going to fix itself if somebody isn't going to do something about it. Just like a leaking pipe..

Yes, someone must take responsibility to fix the pipe. Or else it won't be fixed.

[Reporter]

i recently learned that both the xiong and vue clans did not want to do her funeral because when someone dies so horribly like she did, it is bad omen to the people that performs the funeral.  and that in laos, people usually did not do (the usual hmong) funerals for people who were murdered or tortured to death... 

i wanted to find out more but i was too scared to ask more... 

Really? I didn't know that. How about making the murderer to the funeral, since he killed her and now must take all consequences following that killing?

Ask more and come to tell us all of it please.

[Reporter]

There could be issue where she is wrong too..

i suggest women respect themselves and value themselves; therefore, others will respect you..

I have a current client whose wife is cheating and putting a restraining order on him. He is still not divorcing her culturally. He says if she ever dies, he won't do her funeral; nor will her relatives, since she's still his wife. "Let the Americans do it for her," he says.

This trend is growing. I've been telling people that--now that we know someone else will take care of our dead, we will let them do so in order to avoid costs.

I've witnessed past cases where someone with life insurance would die and the beneficiaries would keep all of the life insurance money and won't use it to take care of the dead's funeral. The respective relatives have had to take care of it. Then they outcast the beneficiaries. ..don't be surprised if you come upon people without families or relatives and friends in our community.

[Reporter]

How sad.

Very, to the point that I even melt emotionally with the idea that a body is being left to rot on American civilian soil. I'd understand it if she was killed in a war and no one found her body to bury. But this is not that kind of thing.

[Wi_sweetguy]

I'll be honest.  The clan responsible for the funeral of Panhia is the Xiongs.  She was married legally and so they should take full responsibility .  Any unbiased elder will agree with me on this topic.  If the Xiongs feel they cannot provide her the funeral then they should let the Vues know.  The Vues and Xiongs are playing politics, but what they do not care about is how the children feels and how a person has died while another is in prison.  This is a loss loss situation and both need to get their acts together or this reputation will be shame.  Zoo heev ua nws tus tub decide to claim nws niam lub cev.  Regardless of the outcome, I hope we as the whole community will learn from this situation and overcome it.

[zena]

Very, to the point that I even melt emotionally with the idea that a body is being left to rot on American civilian soil. I'd understand it if she was killed in a war and no one found her body to bury. But this is not that kind of thing.

Well, if no one else wants to give her a proper burial, the last two people who should, should be her birth parents, especially her mother.  I could never let someone be responsible for my daughters if I knew that they were not going to do anything about it.  The mother gave life to this girl.  It is her rightful duty, as her mother, to give her a proper burial.  Take away the stupid cultures and religions, and you'll find that it is just the right thing to do as a human being.  In my eyes, her mother failed her.

[Reporter]

I'll be honest.  The clan responsible for the funeral of Panhia is the Xiongs.  She was married legally and so they should take full responsibility .  Any unbiased elder will agree with me on this topic.  If the Xiongs feel they cannot provide her the funeral then they should let the Vues know.  The Vues and Xiongs are playing politics, but what they do not care about is how the children feels and how a person has died while another is in prison.  This is a loss loss situation and both need to get their acts together or this reputation will be shame.  Zoo heev ua nws tus tub decide to claim nws niam lub cev.  Regardless of the outcome, I hope we as the whole community will learn from this situation and overcome it.

You are right. The Xiongs did not deny that she was their person and  spirit already. What they didn't like was the $1,200.00 nyiaj kho ntsej kho muag. That's what started the whole conflict. And that's how the women there got the 18 Clan Council into the fray.

The son and the American women organization claimed the body together because the son just cried and cried to the organization for help. He is only 20 years old and doesn't know what to do.

[Reporter]

Well, if no one else wants to give her a proper burial, the last two people who should, should be her birth parents, especially her mother.  I could never let someone be responsible for my daughters if I knew that they were not going to do anything about it.  The mother gave life to this girl.  It is her rightful duty, as her mother, to give her a proper burial.  Take away the stupid cultures and religions, and you'll find that it is just the right thing to do as a human being.  In my eyes, her mother failed her.

I agree with you. My daughter is my life. How were her parents able to ignore her corpse and let it rot like that?

But you know how the Hmong operate on daughters. On sons, it's a different thing. But on daughters? The parents are able to detach her completely from their lives somehow.