Advertisement

Author Topic: Lilly's Journal  (Read 4768 times)

0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #60 on: June 12, 2019, 10:38:34 PM »
So much tears.  So much freaken tears.  I wish I could rip my heart out and give it to an alligator to eat.  Eff you, love.  Eff you very much.  I'm going to sleep.  Please, have mercy on me, Mcdreamy!  Don't follow me into my dreams!


« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 03:45:34 PM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Adverstisement

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #61 on: June 12, 2019, 11:13:29 PM »
Eff!  I couldn't sleep so I finished watching "This Is Not what I Expected".  Dumb idea!  I'm such an idiot.  It just made me think of you even more.  OMGawwww!!!  I want us to look at sunsets and sunrises together now!  It only made me miss you and long for you more!   W in the actual F!  I hate love!  Love suuuuuucksss!



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #62 on: June 12, 2019, 11:15:36 PM »
OK, going to bed for real now. Don't come into my dreams. Not tonight, Mcdreamy.  Not tonight. Have mercy.



Like this post: 0

Offline anonymouse

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 7391
  • Respect: +259
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #63 on: June 13, 2019, 12:00:19 AM »
If love hurts this much, why is everyone searching for love?  I don't get ittt!  I'm never loving anyone ever again.   :'( :'( :'(

Everyone is searching for something they won't be able to find.  Can't find love if you don't know what you're looking for.

What is love? Is it a bird? Is it a rose?  Is it the air we breathe?  Is it an emotion?  Is it a man?  Is it a woman?  Love can be all of the above.  Love can be none of the above.




Like this post: +1
Try to change the things you cannot accept.

Offline anonymouse

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 7391
  • Respect: +259
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #64 on: June 13, 2019, 12:01:44 AM »
Omg, I need to stop listening to depressing songs.  But when you're depressed all you want to listen to is depressing songs! 

How do you let go of someone you love with all of your heart?  How do you stop loving your soulmate?  How do you stop thinking about this person when they are in every fiber of your being?  When every day for months you've lived and breathed this person for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, how do you then all of a sudden force yourself to act like this person no longer exists and force yourself to move on from this person?  How do you cut this person out of your heart and pretend they don't mean anything to you anymore?  How do you stop feeling things for this person?  Eff!  I have a migraine!  I have a headache.  My heart is bleeding.  This is too much for me.  I never want to love anyone this much ever again.  Leave me alone, stupid love.  I don't need you ever again, because you hurt me too much.

Then you need to avoid all hmong songs.  They are all depressing and sappy.

You learn to move on, in whatever way you do it.  You will. 



Like this post: +1
Try to change the things you cannot accept.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 12520
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +344
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #65 on: June 13, 2019, 01:08:40 AM »
Omg, I need to stop listening to depressing songs.  But when you're depressed all you want to listen to is depressing songs! 

How do you let go of someone you love with all of your heart?  How do you stop loving your soulmate?  How do you stop thinking about this person when they are in every fiber of your being?  When every day for months you've lived and breathed this person for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, how do you then all of a sudden force yourself to act like this person no longer exists and force yourself to move on from this person?  How do you cut this person out of your heart and pretend they don't mean anything to you anymore?  How do you stop feeling things for this person?  Eff!  I have a migraine!  I have a headache.  My heart is bleeding.  This is too much for me.  I never want to love anyone this much ever again.  Leave me alone, stupid love.  I don't need you ever again, because you hurt me too much.

How do you let go.  How I know it all too well.  When you know, that they do more harm than good.  When you know that you've come to terms and accept that fact.  When you've given your all...not...an d then even more than your all and it was still on the path of destruction.  You should never forget.  It's that pain that you should never forget.  A lesson to learn and never be relived.  You cut chains that drag you down.  You break the chains that holds you down.  You make that conviction to not be sorry for yourself anymore.  All did you ever did was wanting to share your love.  Was it wrong?  Of course not.  What is wrong was you got used and abused.  You were taken for granted and never even been given a fair chance.  You got tricked and conned like a score to be consumed.  The love that you seek was wrong.  That is why you hurt. 

I know it all too well.  You've forgotten how to love yourself.  You've forgotten what you needed to keep your spirits uplifted.  You've forgotten how you used to be before.  You've forgotten how to live with your own strength.  It's all still there.  Trust me, it's still there.  I've had my fair share.  I've had to endure it all alone.  I've had to have fallen into despair and even beyond.  I had thought life was over and meaningless.  However I still had to desire to live.  I had to re-discover myself.  What was that sparkle of life within.  It was still there.  It was what I had forgotten to feed and fuel.  It happened in time, whilst I still had the urge.  I still knew I had the one treasure that I had not shared.  I truly haven't had shared my soul, my true love.  If that would've been the case...I wouldn't been put through this ordeal in the first place.

I know it all too well.  You only wanted to share.  Even your pain, your suffering, your misery.  Isn't that what your soul is crying for?  Stop searching for love.  You've already have it.  You've already had it.  You still have it.  Do you still want to share it?  Do you want someone to share it?  Do you know it?  Do you deserve something better?  Of course you do. Do you know it is you, only you have to love yourself first.  It's always been there.  The beauty that you see in someone else.  You have that same beauty within yourself.  You only need maybe someone to show you, it's there.

I know it all too well.  After the fight and the dust has settled down.  You find yourself alone and perhaps standing, staring, towering over your past hurt corpse.  The morbid facade of a life you so painfully took repeated stabs straight to the heart.  Enough is enough.  Too much is too much.  I give up.  I give in.  I gave out.  I gave it all.  I hurt enough, too much, hurt in and out, hurt all over.  All over.  That's all over.  Yes it was the hurt all over.  It's over.  It is because I hurt so much, that I knew I was still alive and still yearn to live.

I know it all too well.  To live for myself first, then for my children.  To love myself first, so that I can love my children.  So that I can show my love to my children.  So that I can be living proof that love is something that I share with, not look for.  I never needed to look for love in the first place.  I just needed to remember, that I had always had it.  I still have it.  My love.  My love to share.

I know it all too well.  Look inside yourself.  For that little spark.  Remember before.  Recall how it was.  How to feed and fuel that spark of life.  That little spark of life, that you only wanted to share.




Like this post: +1
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #66 on: June 14, 2019, 12:01:39 PM »
Then you need to avoid all hmong songs.  They are all depressing and sappy.

You learn to move on, in whatever way you do it.  You will. 

Yes, listening to sad and sappy songs will certainly not improve your mood when you're already feeling down.  Most times they exacerbate your sad feelings and prolong your downcast mood.  But they're also healing in a way too... those songs are kinda like your best friend when you're feeling heavy stuff... it's like they understand what you're going through and they're holding your hand through it even though they can't really help you out much.  :)


Everyone is searching for something they won't be able to find.  Can't find love if you don't know what you're looking for.

What is love? Is it a bird? Is it a rose?  Is it the air we breathe?  Is it an emotion?  Is it a man?  Is it a woman?  Love can be all of the above.  Love can be none of the above.

I think everyone knows what they are searching for.  Everyone has a yearning in their heart for what they want out of "romantic" love.  What is romantic love?  I think romantic love is a feeling.  It's a feeling of happiness you get from knowing that someone really cares about you and loves you and knowing that you feel the same exact way back towards that person.  That feeling gives you wings, it puts you in an elevated and blissful state of mind.  It's a high.  People do drugs to get a high because that feeling of feeling high is such a good feeling.  The high you get from being loved and loving someone, though, is much better than those other highs... because that feeling of loving someone and being loved does such good and beautiful stuff to not just your mind, but to your heart and your soul as well.  It's such a beautiful feeling and a great state of mind to be in.  When you don't have that feeling, you feel a certain void and emptiness... like something is missing from your life.  Of course a lot of people can be happy and content and exist solo, but for many, they want to feel that high or crave that high... because that high is like icing on the cake.  You don't need the icing, but sometimes the cake tastes so much better and more satisfying with icing on it.


« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 02:37:54 PM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #67 on: June 14, 2019, 12:15:54 PM »
How do you let go.  How I know it all too well.  When you know, that they do more harm than good.  When you know that you've come to terms and accept that fact.  When you've given your all...not...an d then even more than your all and it was still on the path of destruction.  You should never forget.  It's that pain that you should never forget.  A lesson to learn and never be relived.  You cut chains that drag you down.  You break the chains that holds you down.  You make that conviction to not be sorry for yourself anymore.  All did you ever did was wanting to share your love.  Was it wrong?  Of course not.  What is wrong was you got used and abused.  You were taken for granted and never even been given a fair chance.  You got tricked and conned like a score to be consumed.  The love that you seek was wrong.  That is why you hurt. 

I know it all too well.  You've forgotten how to love yourself.  You've forgotten what you needed to keep your spirits uplifted.  You've forgotten how you used to be before.  You've forgotten how to live with your own strength.  It's all still there.  Trust me, it's still there.  I've had my fair share.  I've had to endure it all alone.  I've had to have fallen into despair and even beyond.  I had thought life was over and meaningless.  However I still had to desire to live.  I had to re-discover myself.  What was that sparkle of life within.  It was still there.  It was what I had forgotten to feed and fuel.  It happened in time, whilst I still had the urge.  I still knew I had the one treasure that I had not shared.  I truly haven't had shared my soul, my true love.  If that would've been the case...I wouldn't been put through this ordeal in the first place.

I know it all too well.  You only wanted to share.  Even your pain, your suffering, your misery.  Isn't that what your soul is crying for?  Stop searching for love.  You've already have it.  You've already had it.  You still have it.  Do you still want to share it?  Do you want someone to share it?  Do you know it?  Do you deserve something better?  Of course you do. Do you know it is you, only you have to love yourself first.  It's always been there.  The beauty that you see in someone else.  You have that same beauty within yourself.  You only need maybe someone to show you, it's there.

I know it all too well.  After the fight and the dust has settled down.  You find yourself alone and perhaps standing, staring, towering over your past hurt corpse.  The morbid facade of a life you so painfully took repeated stabs straight to the heart.  Enough is enough.  Too much is too much.  I give up.  I give in.  I gave out.  I gave it all.  I hurt enough, too much, hurt in and out, hurt all over.  All over.  That's all over.  Yes it was the hurt all over.  It's over.  It is because I hurt so much, that I knew I was still alive and still yearn to live.

I know it all too well.  To live for myself first, then for my children.  To love myself first, so that I can love my children.  So that I can show my love to my children.  So that I can be living proof that love is something that I share with, not look for.  I never needed to look for love in the first place.  I just needed to remember, that I had always had it.  I still have it.  My love.  My love to share.

I know it all too well.  Look inside yourself.  For that little spark.  Remember before.  Recall how it was.  How to feed and fuel that spark of life.  That little spark of life, that you only wanted to share.

Thank you for your words, VillainousHero .  It's helpful to know that we're not alone in our experiences.  I appreciate it.  Thank you for your insights on how to deal with these types of emotions and experiences.  And yes, we must remember to look within ourselves because our strength comes not from anyone else but from within.  We hold the power to how we will react in any given situation, we hold the power over our own lives and our emotions.  Be sad and cry, for we are human after all with feelings, but don't be sad and cry for long.  Be always optimistic, brush things off and pick yourself back up from off the ground and keep on trotting, baby!



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #68 on: June 14, 2019, 05:31:32 PM »
I got a call earlier today from my home/auto insurance agent and it left me feeling so... happy and appreciated.  He sends a card every year but this year he decided to add to that and called me up to wish me a happy early birthday personally.  He's such a great guy. 

I think I've been very lucky with the people that I do business with.  Somehow they and I end up seeing past the business relationship and we come to a genuine appreciation for one another as people. 

But anyway, I guess the phone call today from my home/auto insurance agent reminded me that, often our experiences with other people are a two-way street.  Your experiences with other people are often determined by your own attitude and personality.  If you carry yourself with class, are a nice person, and talk to people in a respectful manner, most people will treat you the same way back.  I love being reminded that at the end of the day, I'm able to have human relationships with the people that I do business with.


« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 12:05:55 AM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #69 on: June 17, 2019, 10:30:38 AM »
I remembered a recent conversation that made me think about this one person from my past whom I gave so much of my heart/time/energy, etc, to.  The question was posed asking 'Would I consider ever getting back together with this person?'  The answer is a resounding and mighty "no" because our relationship was so one-sided.  As much as I would have liked it to work out, you can't have a one-sided relationship with a selfish person.

This song by Adele captures the perturbed, bewildered, stupefied confusion I have over how this person can be so lacking in sense/thoughts/foresight/wisdom/etc and how he could just throw something so golden away without a second thought.  I just don't understand how someone can be like this guy.  It confounds and puzzles me to no end.  Even after all this time, I'm still mystified and baffled, and my only thought to describe this person is "wtf".  As much as I wish he could be a different person and as much as I wanted things to work out, the picture in my head of how I wanted things with this person just could not come to fruition no matter how much time had passed.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoypnQTesYg


« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 12:18:04 AM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #70 on: June 17, 2019, 11:06:02 AM »
This song too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj3nFNIV2jY.

I dislike being asked if I would go back to him because... I already set fire to the rain, threw him and I into the flames, and watched it burn... don't need to think about him anymore.   >:(



Like this post: 0

Offline Asharia

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 1607
  • Respect: +316
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #71 on: June 19, 2019, 12:00:46 AM »
Eff!  I couldn't sleep so I finished watching "This Is Not what I Expected".




Love that movie. I liked the idea that you can feel so comfortable and at peace around someone that it helps you go to sleep in their presence.


Hope you've been feeling better. :)



Like this post: +1

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #72 on: June 19, 2019, 10:00:41 AM »



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #73 on: June 19, 2019, 10:09:03 AM »


Love that movie. I liked the idea that you can feel so comfortable and at peace around someone that it helps you go to sleep in their presence.


Hope you've been feeling better. :)

Asharia, my friend, I'm glad you love that movie too!  Yes, I find it beautiful too when you can be so comfortable and at peace with another person, it enables you to sit in silence and not feel any kind of uncomfortable silence--because when your hearts and souls are so intertwined, no words are needed.  And it's so beautiful when you feel so safe and comfortable with each other you can fall asleep in each other's presence.

I'm feeling better.  Thank you.  :)



Like this post: +1

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5781
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +478
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #74 on: June 19, 2019, 11:49:30 AM »
Mcdreamy, you're "Simply The Best"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDZOekUDzE

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wired
Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need

Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams
Speak the language of love like you know what it means
Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

In your heart I see the start of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long here in your arms I could be in no better place
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

Each time you leave me I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone
Oh, baby, don't let go
You're the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart
Baby I would rather be dead
Oh you're the best



Like this post: 0

 

Advertisements