So I ended up in a discussion with someone about Love and Happiness. (this is an abridged version of the discussion as discussion flows differently before it is actually written down).
I see it as concept in value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others.
What this person explained to me was that your happiness is something that you own and no one can take it away. Furthermore this person states that happiness is something a that is not achieved until you've paid for it.
No one can take your happiness if you truly own it. But if you rely on others to make you happy then...
You have to own it to give it. You cannot give something you don't own...that's just like giving something you haven't paid for silly...
Now what I struggled to comprehend this manner of thinking. Of course it's splitting hairs when the ideology of it is about loving oneself first. Part of the discussion was given some background.
you know that you just contradicted everything you have said thus far right?
I went through that hell and came out happier and stronger than before because I came to realize that I'm not the broken one...he is,
What I fail to understand was that this person was happy to have been cheated on. When in fact I should've open my mind to understanding her method of self empowerment. I am seeing how a person can take responsibility for their own happiness. I can see how a person may not know about their own happiness until they have paid for it through loss and betrayal. Yet this person is not broken. They were never affected.
That is a contradiction to my thinking. As this person stated incorrectly that I contradicted myself, but I misunderstood her thinking - that's splitting hair. I've heard of people being thick skinned, deaf to gossips, stoic to compassion, etc.,...in that mannerism. I was the broken person in betrayal and treachery. This person was not.
Upon further contemplation of this...It makes me understand the mindset of the cheater and how they operate. The cheater owns their own happiness, does not depend on others. They care not how they breaks another, they will never be broken over the loss. The cheater is happy cheating. They don't require any happiness from the person being cheated on. When they loss you, they are not affected.
While I thought this person's thinking was like...as a job, a task, a goal...not as a talent, a gift, an idea. Your application of it is a materialistic value concept...not as a concept in value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others.
In my line of work, when we agreed to complete a certain task we said we take ownership of it and will be held accountable for it. Its the same thing with love and happiness
We've all heard the advice of treating marriage as a business transaction. This person epitomized that concept. When a business transaction fails, it's over and done with.
If we are trophies in our own right and we remain trophies. This person was a trophy that never lost it's luster when tossed aside. I was a trophy that got tarnished when tossed aside. I needed to be polished in order to shine again. I am that kind of trophy.
I know the above scope so far was limited to the area of marital relationship or applicable in the dating relationship. It's also for those of an adult relationship between parent and offspring. Now from a parent to a child, it would be disastrous in result. You tell a child to tough up...You're responsible for your own happiness and love. You don't need if from your parent. Does it sound familiar? The tough love that many Hmong parents have shown their offsrpings growing up. If forces a child to become an adult a lot sooner. I was that adult at before age of 12.
Will I apply this to myself. Of course as I am not sure about it. I will show my children that concept of love that is value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others. The beauty of life that comes with it. That tough love from my parents didn't work on me. They receive that exact same tough love right back. I don't want to part of that with my children. My children will have both types of love to learn. While they're children the beauty and gifts. While they're adults the tough love of self responsibility
. No I will never treat my children as business transactions.
For my next love. No I will not treat you like a business transaction either. That is now how I do things although I will have to make that evaluation as part of relationship. I will still have my concept of love and relationship development faulted to myself. I believe I create my happiness as thus I can be easily influence to have it become diminutive by others. If I gift it to others, I am giving away something with feeling and soul. Thus I am exposing my own vulnerabilitie
s to others to be easily taken advantage of. That is who I am. That is why as the trophy that I am, if you can polish me some, I will show you how much brighter I can be.
Always learning...