Confessions of The Heart

[TsimLubSiab]

June 15, 2014

Dear John,

Today, I thought about you more than any other days. I guess your heart has been kind of distance from mine lately. I remembered we would stayed up late at night and just hear each other's minds speak. The truth and confessions always seem to happened late at night when we both are just staring at our computers waiting for that return pm.

I haven't been really honest with you or even to myself the feelings I've been trying to hide from your eyes when ever we meet up. I always looked away in fear that you would catch a glimpse of my heart. I've been honest with my feelings in the past for you but ever since you decided that we should only be friends because you could not give me your heart. I stopped confessing to you about how I feel about you.

Which is the very reason why I've decided to start this journal because it is the only way I will be able to set my feelings free and find peace in my mind.

Love,

LubSiab

[NtsimLubSiab]

June 16, 2014

Dear John,

It's so easy to get lost in someone's mind. That's how you make me feel when I'm talking to you. There are moments when the truth is starring me right in the eyes but I just pushed it away. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't want to know. Maybe I don't care for it. Sometimes, I just don't get you at all. One day you tell me that you miss me. Other days, you just don't say anything at all. I'm trying to read you but I can't. I don't know if I should be happy, glad, or be disappointed that I have you in my life.

Nevertheless, you've brought joy into my life more than I have anticipated. If there's one thing that I can walk away with is the thought that you do care about me in some odd ways.

Love,

LubSiab

[NtsimLubSiab]

Dear John,

I hope your day is filled with birds singing to your ears. Nice weather to soothe your soul. Soft voices to ease your heart.

Love,

LubSiab

[minorcharacter]

Sorry to interject with an unwarranted entrance; I can't help but to read what other people write.  Also, there's a movie/book called John Dies at the End.  It's pretty cool.

[zena]

Thanks for sharing your letters with us. 

[NtsimLubSiab]

Minor character, I should hope not. It would be a tragedy.

Moon, thank you for reading.

[NtsimLubSiab]

Dear John,

I wasnt going to write you until tomorrow but tonight I really wanted to tell you that I miss you. Sometimes when we are on the phone yapping away about nonsense stuffs, I just want to say "Shut up, I miss you". Yet I always catch myself from making a fool out of myself before its too late. I've never felt so strongly about anyone before I met you. Most of the time they just pass me by like a breeze but you, John has made an unforgettable impact on me.

Today, you called me twice. It was nice to chat with you but it was also very hard to pretend to be your friend as well. I look forward to our conversation tomorrow. Good night, John.

Love,

LubSiab

[NtsimLubSiab]

Dear John,

I'm learning to let go a bit each day. I hope to be completely over you in a few weeks or months. Who knows. I know that it's hard for me because we communicte every single day. It's hard to ignore the feelings when that person is constanatly keeping in touch. Sometimes, I think it's best that we do not talk to each other anymore. Maybe this will help me move on better. Would it be selfish for me to just leave PH and never contact you anymore or take your calls? Would you hate me or think that I've taken our friendship for granted?

There are times I tried to avoid your calls on purpose because talking you is hard. Hearing you talk about other girls hurts me but I tried not to show it in my voice. I don't know if you even care. I'm laughing with you but deep inside I feel like a complete loser because I could not get your attention. I'm like your Dear Abby diary that you pour your heart every single day and night. And I have to keep your secrets.

John, I don't know how long I will be here for you but I just want you to know that if someday you do not see me anymore. Then, please don't look for me.

Love,

LubSiab

[NtsimLubSiab]

June 17, 2014

John,

I dedicate this song to you. It's how I feel inside.

Destiny Band "Hlub Koj Ntsiag To"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIf5__4IMSA

[proudlao]

Sometimes finding the truth hurts, but it also a time to heal and start a new beginning.

[NtsimLubSiab]

Sometimes finding the truth hurts, but it also a time to heal and start a new beginning.

Yes, it does hurt but it's always better to know the truth than to deny it. I've come to aknowledge the truth but my heart is in denial. My word of confessions stopped for him when he told me that he could only be my friend. I have to respect his decision but I'm fighting with my feelings for him.

[Snowdrop]

I used to write like this.  If I was not reading this journal, I would think it's me writing it.  It's so hard to have feelings for someone you are not his priority.  It is even harder to accept that you are not the one stands in his heart.  You can cry as loud as you can.  You can climb up the highest mountain and scream for his name; but he would not hear a word you say.  Then all your expressions make you agony.  When  you finally live in reality, you will and can only be crying in silence. 

Let me dedicate this song for you and your John.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQwePH7cyYA

[NtsimLubSiab]

Snowdrop,

Thank you for the dedication of the song. It is very well fitted for this moment. Thank you for reading my letters. Feel free to share some of your confessions as well.

Love,

LubSiab

[BTW]

Lubsiab,

I love reading the letters even though they make me want to cry. I met a man a year ago....a handsome, smart, funny, and considerate man. I can talk to him about everything and nothing. I FB him almost daily....stupi d things that happen and great things I need to share.  Initially, I was scared of the feelings that I developed for him because we had set boundaries with our relationship too, friends only. I felt everything you're feeling. Be honest with him. If he truly is a friend he would accept your love and still cherish your friendship. We've been honest with our feelings for each other, realized our friendship is invaluable.

Sincerely,

BTW

[VillainousHero]

Sorry to intrude

(blah blah blah...my philosophy blah blah) Friendship is one of the most important interpersonal relationship and far more powerful a bond than that of the bond of intimacy relationship between a man and a woman.  If there's one thing I will never understand is women (or people) and their need to separate friendship from one to growing to include intimate relationship.  It's one of the necessary relationship that will keep a marriage together as in a healthy maturation of a relationship.  All I see and hear about couple's relationship problems is that they have no friendship.  Yeah...cuz you people choose not to have a friendship relationship so your stale intimacy failed.

***

Anyway, you have a heart felt journal.  I wish you the best to sort it out.