Going to Laos... For Dummies (Like Me)

[LonelyHmgGuy]

zoo heev!   

a young male relative just came back from living in laos for 2 years with his wife and child.  he could not adjust to life there so he is back... working to get his wife and child here to the states.

since you are going back in 6 months... i would assume you prolly got married there... or engaged.  hehehe.  if that's the case.... congrats.

when my daughters are ready to settle own... i want them to marry hmong laos men... because they paub kevcai more and know hmong culture... and their roles as husbands more then those in US. 

tx for sharing.  may all your endeavors come true.

@AOZ

Believe it or not, but I did not get married or engaged. Not yet anyways....

Traveled all over Laos... Vientiane, KM52, Nong Hai, Luang Prabang, Xieng Khuang, and Phonsavan, ate everything I saw and slept in cheap hotels. Met so many new people, related or not and absolutely had the time of my life.

To me... the draw of LAOS was not the girls. To me, there was so much more. There, the pressure of everyday life seemed to melt away. Like I said, they are very poor, an average daily salary is only 5.00 dollars... but most are happy and content in what they do, where they live and how they live. I don't know how else to explain it... but I long for a life without daily commutes and bills. I know it is hard to believe, but unless you're in my shoes and have been there, it is hard to believe.

Just Curious... Logistically speaking, how did your "Relative" go back to Laos and come back? Did he become a Laos citizen again once he went back to Laos? If not, how did he get away with staying in Laos for so long, when the normal visa is only for 45 days? Was he a US citizen when he decided to move back? How did he regain entry back into the US after 2 years?

To be honest, I have given some thoughts to retiring in Laos... nothing serious, just ideas at the moment. I would love to sit down and have a chat with your "relative"

Marrying someone should not be isolated to where they live, it should be based on love, trust, honesty and understanding. "Men" in Laos can be just as bad as the ones here, bad people are born on all continents and all cultures.... my humble opinion.

LHG

[maipovci]

hey lonelyhmonggyu y, i just got back from laos and i spent the brunt of my time in nong hai. glad you enjoyed your stay. i would have to disagree with you the on behaviors of the girls in laos.

it's no secret that the help of an american can greatly improve the livestyle of one in Laos. i believe that this is the sole reason why these girls in laos are so nice and polite to men.  for the men these girls represent an old ideology of what a hmong woman so embody.

[MenyuamHmoob]

hey lonelyhmonggyu y, i just got back from laos and i spent the brunt of my time in nong hai. glad you enjoyed your stay. i would have to disagree with you the on behaviors of the girls in laos.

it's no secret that the help of an american can greatly improve the livestyle of one in Laos. i believe that this is the sole reason why these girls in laos are so nice and polite to men.  for the men these girls represent an old ideology of what a hmong woman so embody.

@maivpovci, isn't the sole reason of getting married to one another (in Laos or USA) is to better/improve each other's life?   

[maipovci]

@maivpovci, isn't the sole reason of getting married to one another (in Laos or USA) is to better/improve each other's life? 

no not true.

[LonelyHmgGuy]

hey lonelyhmonggyu y, i just got back from laos and i spent the brunt of my time in nong hai. glad you enjoyed your stay. i would have to disagree with you the on behaviors of the girls in laos.

it's no secret that the help of an american can greatly improve the livestyle of one in Laos. i believe that this is the sole reason why these girls in laos are so nice and polite to men.  for the men these girls represent an old ideology of what a hmong woman so embody.

Hey maipovci

I did enjoyed my brief stay in Nong Hai as I hope you did as well... So, this subject keeps coming up, like a dead horse that everyone just keep beating up on.

Here is MY take on it (based solely on my personal observations) and you can disagree if you want... For a lack of a better word, the girls in Laos are more FRIENDLY... towards men, ALL men, regardless of how old they are, where they are from, how they look or what they do for a living. *** Important to note that I said regardless of WHERE they live... US, LAOS, FRANCE... etc.*** This point will become important in my arguement later.

Short story to prove my point... My cousin and I are walking to the market in KM 52. On our way there, we met his girl friend and some of her friends (None of the girls were over 18). My cousin who is 20 and I who is in my late 30s (a point that will become relavent in a minute) were invited to joined his girlfriend and her friends as they went shopping. After she bought a few items, his girlfriend then invited both my cousin and I back to her house for a visit. When we got back to her house, we were offered a chair to sit on, a glass of water each and some freshly made MOCHI (sorry I don't know the Hmong word for it) with cane syrup... She then offered to cook us some lunch and one of her friends stayed to help. I flirted with my cousin's girlfriend's friend for a bit as they were cooking us lunch. After lunch, said our good byes and we left... as we were leaving, my cousin make a point of telling me that the girl I was talking to already has a boyfriend. I confronted her with this fact, to which she reply with a simple answer. She is not yet married and it would be impolite not to talk with me... in her words, "I am not beautiful enough to brush you off "... or her way of saying, this was how she was taught.

So... you take the same scenario, but you put all the players in a different setting. For a moment, let's say we all were in the USA. I visit my cousin in St. Paul, we go to the mall and on the way we see his girlfriend. I will bet you the whole farm that my cousin and I will get nothing more than a Hi or Hello from his girlfriend. I doubt we would have gotten an invite to join them to go shopping, and I SERIOUSLY doubt we would have gotten an invite back to her house, and I SERIOUSLY DOUBT X 10 we would have gotten a drink or something to snack on... and I SERIOUSLY DOUBT X 10000 we would have gotten a meal from her. And for me... I would not have a chance on earth to talk to my cousin's girlfriend's friend... not in a 1000 years, IF we were in the USA.

So... a long story to prove a small point. But my point is this... the girls in Laos are brought up differently, to be more polite and friendly... AND that was all I am saying, NOTHING more and NOTHING less. Granted, I don't know the true nature of what they intend to do and what their motives are... I don't live inside their minds. But for me, I like to take a person for face value and I tend to trust what they do and say. To sum things up... I still think the girls in Laos are more polite, courteous and friendly towards men and people in general.

Motives aside... it is human nature to improve ourselves, in anyway that we can, regardless of race or culture. So, I would have to agree with MenyuamHmoob.. . I don't think they are just nice and polite only to Men from America.

LHG

[maipovci]

Hey maipovci

I did enjoyed my brief stay in Nong Hai as I hope you did as well... So, this subject keeps coming up, like a dead horse that everyone just keep beating up on.

Here is MY take on it (based solely on my personal observations) and you can disagree if you want... For a lack of a better word, the girls in Laos are more FRIENDLY... towards men, ALL men, regardless of how old they are, where they are from, how they look or what they do for a living. *** Important to note that I said regardless of WHERE they live... US, LAOS, FRANCE... etc.*** This point will become important in my arguement later.

Short story to prove my point... My cousin and I are walking to the market in KM 52. On our way there, we met his girl friend and some of her friends (None of the girls were over 18). My cousin who is 20 and I who is in my late 30s (a point that will become relavent in a minute) were invited to joined his girlfriend and her friends as they went shopping. After she bought a few items, his girlfriend then invited both my cousin and I back to her house for a visit. When we got back to her house, we were offered a chair to sit on, a glass of water each and some freshing made MOCHI (sorry I don't know the Hmong word for it) with cane syrup... She then offered to cook us some lunch and one of her friends stayed to help. I flirted with my cousin's girlfriend's friend for a bit as they were cooking us lunch. After lunch, said our good byes and we left... as we were leaving, my cousin make a point of telling me that the girl I was talking to already has a boyfriend. I confronted her with this fact, to which she reply with a simple answer. She is not yet married and it would be impolite not to talk with me... in her words, "I am not beautiful enough to brush you off "... or her way of saying, this was how she was taught.

So... you take the same scenario, but you put all the players in a different setting. For a moment, let's say we all were in the USA. I visit my cousin in St. Paul, we go to the mall and on the way we see his girlfriend. I will bet you the whole farm that my cousin and I will get nothing more than a Hi or Hello from his girlfriend. I doubt we would have gotten an invite to join them to go shopping, and I SERIOUSLY doubt we would have gotten an invite back to her house, and I SERIOUSLY DOUBT X 10 we would have gotten a drink or something to snack on... and I SERIOUSLY DOUBT X 10000 we would have gotten a meal from her. And for me... I would not have a chance on earth to talk to my cousin's girlfriend's friend... not in a 1000 years, IF we were in the USA.

So... a long story to prove a small point. But my point is this... the girls in Laos are brought up differently, to be more polite and friendly... AND that was all I am saying, NOTHING more and NOTHING less. Granted, I don't know the true nature of what they intend to do and what their motives are... I don't live inside their minds. But for me, I like to take a person for face value and I tend to trust what they do and say. To sum things up... I still think the girls in Laos are more polite, courteous and friendly towards men and people in general.

Motives aside... it is human nature to improve ourselves, in anyway that we can, regardless of race or culture. So, I would have to agree with MenyuamHmoob.. . I don't think they are just nice and polite only to Men from America.

LHG

there are many factors that come into play. i think that the fact you were from america played a big factor in why these girls were really nice to you. to me that becomes the big elephant in the room. you shouldn't ignore it completely and infact should acknowledge it.

if you were to come to my house for a visit, i would offer you water and if you stayed for more than hour i would make you food even if it were just water and rice. that has always been our hmong tradition, just like boiled chicken and sticky rice for the folks that have come a long way to see you.

[LonelyHmgGuy]

there are many factors that come into play. i think that the fact you were from america played a big factor in why these girls were really nice to you. to me that becomes the big elephant in the room. you shouldn't ignore it completely and infact should acknowledge it.

if you were to come to my house for a visit, i would offer you water and if you stayed for more than hour i would make you food even if it were just water and rice. that has always been our hmong tradition, just like boiled chicken and sticky rice for the folks that have come a long way to see you.

This is where you're WRONG... remember my point ealier. *** Important to note that I said regardless of WHERE they live... US, LAOS, FRANCE... etc.*** This point will become important in my arguement later.

I made this a point  to you as I knew you were going to assume that my treatment was a result of where I came from.... but the fact was that my cousin told all the girls, even his girlfriend, that I was visiting from Thailand, NOT the USA. So... there you have it.

Incidentially. .. of 10 teenage girls in the US, of those, how many would invite her boyfriend and a total stranger to her house and cook them lunch??? Even as you would put it, just water and rice. I would guess the answer is 0.

Respectfully LHG

[theking]

"Men" in Laos can be just as bad as the ones here, bad people are born on all continents and all cultures.... my humble opinion.

Well put "opinion" there. Having lived in Laos, Thailand, and here, I agree that "bad people" are born on all continents and men in Laos can be just as bad. Even worst there based on my observations due to its patriarchal system. The biggest difference between here and over there is men actually receive real punishments here for their deeds against their women.

I still remembered an incident over there where a young man was berating his wife in public and even physically assaulting her and everyone just mind their own business including my mom. My mom told me not to stare or say anything but I could see the wife cried quietly because there's nothing she could do against him. Over here, that dude would've gotten his ass dragged to jail and due to karma, get his basic human rights violated the same way by Tiny.

[AOZ]

@AOZ

Believe it or not, but I did not get married or engaged. Not yet anyways....

Traveled all over Laos... Vientiane, KM52, Nong Hai, Luang Prabang, Xieng Khuang, and Phonsavan, ate everything I saw and slept in cheap hotels. Met so many new people, related or not and absolutely had the time of my life.

To me... the draw of LAOS was not the girls. To me, there was so much more. There, the pressure of everyday life seemed to melt away. Like I said, they are very poor, an average daily salary is only 5.00 dollars... but most are happy and content in what they do, where they live and how they live. I don't know how else to explain it... but I long for a life without daily commutes and bills. I know it is hard to believe, but unless you're in my shoes and have been there, it is hard to believe.

Just Curious... Logistically speaking, how did your "Relative" go back to Laos and come back? Did he become a Laos citizen again once he went back to Laos? If not, how did he get away with staying in Laos for so long, when the normal visa is only for 45 days? Was he a US citizen when he decided to move back? How did he regain entry back into the US after 2 years?

To be honest, I have given some thoughts to retiring in Laos... nothing serious, just ideas at the moment. I would love to sit down and have a chat with your "relative"

Marrying someone should not be isolated to where they live, it should be based on love, trust, honesty and understanding. "Men" in Laos can be just as bad as the ones here, bad people are born on all continents and all cultures.... my humble opinion.

LHG

So many young men and women come back in love or married...hehe ...  So many mekas n Laos love stories... That I could write a book on it.

You are right ..... Hmong Laos men and women are a breed that hmoob mekas don't make no more.  So we are all attracted to them and how they carry themselves.   Kuv Los ntshaws ib tus Vauv Kws txawj lus hmoob... Paub tua nyuj tua npua.. Paub kab lis kev cai hmoob...  txawj ntse...txawj Nrhiav noj nrhiav haus.

I wont disagree about bad ppl... But men are generally the same in all continents.  What makes hmoob mekas less attractive is their  inability to paub hmoob txujci... Yet they desire a wife who is all of the above.   

I have many young nieces here in the states that paub kev cai hmoob.... Offer drinks.. Invites... Cook for others and hais lus mos lus muas.. Plus highly educated.... I miss them every time they visit me and leave because when they are with me... They cook and clean for me....

As for my guy relative.... He just up and went missing for two years.... Ran out of his money to live in Laos like a king so he is back.  Living a simple life wasn't what he assumed.... His parents here ended up sending him money monthly.  He become txomnyem in Laos.... That's why he is back.... 

Ppl never think about it but one can easily squander money while living there and become broke.   I have another relative who has lands and even a gas station there.... He may be going back to live aka retire there as well.  He been going there twice a year.... Has kids there and wife as well.... Talk about making life complicated for oneself.

[NceegVaj]

Hey maipovci

I did enjoyed my brief stay in Nong Hai as I hope you did as well... So, this subject keeps coming up, like a dead horse that everyone just keep beating up on.

Here is MY take on it (based solely on my personal observations) and you can disagree if you want... For a lack of a better word, the girls in Laos are more FRIENDLY... towards men, ALL men, regardless of how old they are, where they are from, how they look or what they do for a living. *** Important to note that I said regardless of WHERE they live... US, LAOS, FRANCE... etc.*** This point will become important in my arguement later.

Short story to prove my point... My cousin and I are walking to the market in KM 52. On our way there, we met his girl friend and some of her friends (None of the girls were over 18). My cousin who is 20 and I who is in my late 30s (a point that will become relavent in a minute) were invited to joined his girlfriend and her friends as they went shopping. After she bought a few items, his girlfriend then invited both my cousin and I back to her house for a visit. When we got back to her house, we were offered a chair to sit on, a glass of water each and some freshly made MOCHI (sorry I don't know the Hmong word for it) with cane syrup... She then offered to cook us some lunch and one of her friends stayed to help. I flirted with my cousin's girlfriend's friend for a bit as they were cooking us lunch. After lunch, said our good byes and we left... as we were leaving, my.........

LHG

Lonely and et all...

I agree with you.  In the traditional Hmong custom, Hmong girls in puberty are taught to be polite even when they don't like the person present.  This is call respect and humble.  Hmong has a saying " yus yim zoo nkauj yus yim ua zoo...yog zoo nkauj xwb tsis tau zoo nyab".  I can recall Hmong girls came to this country back in the 80's act like this in the 80's and 90's.  They always keep their door open but if a man is pushing very hard she will eventually tell them "Koj txhob tu siab os cia wb yog nus muag xwb and mam ua phoojywg xwb os".

Fast forward...in this age.  I see and hear bi.tches Hmong girls all over themselves.  They think they are toooo good.  Too individualize mind and toooooo much into themselves.  It is safe to say only 10% are wifey ready.  Most are good for night stand and suc.k cocks.

Thanks! Yes, I'm a biatch.

[AOZ]

Lonely and et all...

I agree with you.  In the traditional Hmong custom, Hmong girls in puberty are taught to be polite even when they don't like the person present.  This is call respect and humble.  Hmong has a saying " yus yim zoo nkauj yus yim ua zoo...yog zoo nkauj xwb tsis tau zoo nyab".  I can recall Hmong girls came to this country back in the 80's act like this in the 80's and 90's.  They always keep their door open but if a man is pushing very hard she will eventually tell them "Koj txhob tu siab os cia wb yog nus muag xwb and mam ua phoojywg xwb os".

Fast forward...in this age.  I see and hear bi.tches Hmong girls all over themselves.  They think they are toooo good.  Too individualize mind and toooooo much into themselves.  It is safe to say only 10% are wifey ready.  Most are good for night stand and suc.k cocks.

Thanks! Yes, I'm a biatch.

ohyo... hais tau sab cov ntxhais mekas ua luaj li os.... LOLs. 

cov tub teb chaws mekas no los yeej tsi zoo npaum twg lawm thiab... nyob 24/7 tuas game xwb... tsi paub kevcai hmoob... tsi paub dej num hauv vajtse li... tsi paub mus nrhiav hauj lwm...qhov yuav zoo uas yuav pab tau peb tes tub ntxhais xaj maim no  ces... cas peb tej tub tej ntxhais mekas sawvdaws mus yuav hmoob nplog lawm xwb.    

[maipovci]

This is where you're WRONG... remember my point ealier. *** Important to note that I said regardless of WHERE they live... US, LAOS, FRANCE... etc.*** This point will become important in my arguement later.

I made this a point  to you as I knew you were going to assume that my treatment was a result of where I came from.... but the fact was that my cousin told all the girls, even his girlfriend, that I was visiting from Thailand, NOT the USA. So... there you have it.

Incidentially. .. of 10 teenage girls in the US, of those, how many would invite her boyfriend and a total stranger to her house and cook them lunch??? Even as you would put it, just water and rice. I would guess the answer is 0.

Respectfully LHG

lhg, i am in no way trying to pick a fight. i perhaps just have a different perspective. i just see it differently and this is base on my observations and conversation from the last 3 trips to laos.

[AOZ]

just wanna share a story with yall...

over the christmas break... had an oppurtunity to meet a hmong laos girl (a nyab) who recently arrived (for 6 months) living with her hmoob mekas husband and his parents.  by the looks of him... he's prolly in his early 30s and her in her late teens. 

she sat all by herself on the dining table all made up in makeup and clothing... and heels in the house.  her husband was quite the opposite... just tshirt and sweat. 

quite awkward... because she looked very uncomfortable. .. as if she didn't belong there... all the other nyab mekas seemed like they belong in the family but not the nyab hmoob laos... she was sooo formal. 

all that time i was there... never did she even looked at her husband like the other nyabs did theirs.  she did not even sit by her husband or acknowledged him...no smile.. just grinned when referred to.

i also have a niece who came from laos to marry her husband... and this niece... she's very happy... and after one year in USA... she been working and contributing financially since (10 years now). 

[AOZ]

when my mil went to Laos... so many young men tried to woo her... followed her around...   

she said they were flocking to her... saying the sweetest words she's ever heard... hahaha. 

[MenyuamHmoob]

@LHG, well put bro.    And I can totally relate to the story you've told.  It's that kindness and generosity that is attractive about the women there.  Not just to Hmong Mekas, but to their parents, siblings and peers.  Some traits that most of the Hmong ladies in Mekas have lost over our time here.  But I have a feeling that @maivpovci has already made up her mind and there will be no changing her opinion.  Like you've said, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but don't make generalization s and keep an open mind.


@NceegVaj, you hit the nail right on the head.    A lot of the hluas nkauj hmoob mekas was brought up in a society where its all about, ME ME ME and no one else.  I think its important to be independent & successful, taking care and loving oneself first.  But, there's a fine line between that and being completly egocentric.