The Not so private Diary of JonniJacco

[JonniJacko]

I finally look at myself, a really good look, in the mirror. A few new lines, a few more silvers. Still handsome as ever though. lol Yeah, I can't go back now...everytim e I go back to acting and thinking like a 20 year old, I literally feel sick....I never wanted to grow up. I always feared growing old....A part of me died, but another said I'm finally accepting peace.....

[JonniJacko]

Life is like a basketball team. You can go the business route, or you go with the Faith route. But because Pro Basketball is a business more than ever now, Basketball teams operate like a business. This means sometimes trading a fan favorite, the star of the team. To find different pieces and the best they can get To mesh all the pieces together and to work together in optimal performance.

If I own a basketball team. I'm old school. I rarely trade, and keep the same guys for many years until they all figure out how to play and work together...Im going with faith....hahah a

Unfortunately, social evolution is real. Some things just can't work like how they use to. The majority always win, even if the majority is wrong.

So in life today, sometimes you have to let go of people, people you respect but could be the reason holding you back. Take for example: Tom and Luke are great people. On the surface they seem like great friends to each other. However, secretly- they both compete who is more dominant. Luke is more humble, so Tom has a small edge. Luke knows this, and realize everytime he is with Tom, he's in the passenger seat. Luke decides to cut ties with Tom...Years later, Luke see his life improve a lot. He has a great career, accumulated assets, and only keep friends that are on the same level as he is, never competing low key with each other, whether its friendly or not, working together, not against each other. Lifting up each other, never low key putting down...

So life is like a basketball team. Just because someone is a good player, doesn't mean they will be a good fit....In life, sometimes you make friends with good people, but they may or may not be a good fit to your life. They might fit perfectly into someone's else's life...But if not yours, you gotta look at it as a business. You gotta cut them lose. Because it will be either them or you......and that's the cold truth about life......is that it can be tricky sometimes and not all good things are good for you even if it's good for everyone else.......... You really got to know yourself and recognize who and or what is holding you back...

However, a all faithful person is like that versatile player. They'll fit in and improve anyone's life. So I say, always go with a person who has a ton of faith....they are your best bet. haha But still its no guarantee....L OL but if you have to choose, i say go with the one with the most faith. Because real champions don't need to win championships, they just need to win the hearts of fans.....

[JonniJacko]

A short conversation with the Heavens:

How am I going to survive and maintain joy in life going into my 50's and beyond???

I knew you would have trouble with this, that is why I have you waited til now to really start making something out of life.....

Where do I start then?

Stop wondering, and start doing. Something as simple as getting off your chair now and start sweeping the floor.....

[JonniJacko]

Sawv daws laus thiab dab tuag tas lawm lauj.....

Met up with some old friends for breakfast PHO..And one of them upon arrival blurted out "oh yo!, yom, sawv daws laus thiab dab tuag tas lawm lauj!"

We all chuckled and laughed.

I continue the rest of my day at work, just hoping someone,anyone will tell me I look good today...lmao

[JonniJacko]

I realized in my family, we don't have anyone who can really bring 'Life" to the family. LOL Like how some families out there, they have maybe that cool uncle or cool aunt with a cool ranch or cabin out in the woods, where families can go camp out whenever. Maybe it's that cool uncle who owns a auto shop, where his nephews comes to hang out even if they don't know or want to know anything about cars...Maybe it's just that aunt, who just randomly invites families to dinner because she got bored and cooked up a feast...haha

This probably isn't anyone's fault if you want to consider it a "fault"..I think it's just more like in todays time, everyone is just so fixated on survival, and with everything going up. Anyone who presents themselves as a "liability" in the smallest sense is pretty much dismiss.

Yeah, we're living in harsh times...But I have too many nephews and neices that look up to me...Gotta live up to the title: the cool uncle...Maybe they're just still too young. Once they start liking the opposite sex, I might just be known as the Quiet Uncle...LMAO

[JonniJacko]

Where do all these people and cars come from..Thought I wake up early for a morning jog. Only to find a Tai Chi club doing Tai Chi, some Triathlon athletes training, a couple making out, and a lone wolf sitting on his truck's bed just smoking away.

Moving to Wyoming or the Dakotas soon...Where everyone in the state knows your name....haha

[JonniJacko]

Brylan is a young, tall, handsome fella. But one thing about him, is he's overly kind and nice .He's the kind of guy who women are comfortable to talk to, right off the bat,because he has no "creepy" bones in him whatsoever..It's common to see a random chick with him just talking. But I know these kind of guys...I was never one of them, because I have a lot of "creepy" vibes to me...LOL But I sense energy like a shark smelling their prey across the oceans...haha j.k women are comfortable around these kind of guys because they are easy to talk to, don't ask for anything, just very friendly vibes....safe too...

One day Brylan asked me about "women" advices....Sai d he's tired of being seen as just a "nice guy anyone can talk to...I don't know why, but I pretended like I knew it all....LOL And maybe subconsciously, I do...LOL....I said things like, masculinity is number one, dont be overly nice, but don't be a **** too...just go with your current energy...don't put any pressure on her...just be alive...LOL... .stuffs like that....Two weeks later when I saw him again, he had a really weird looking hyena neck....spotty hyena....hahah a

He said, what I told him must of had work because the girl he was chasing for the past 6 months finally gave in...I said, oh, nah, Its all you...I gave you what most mature men already knew but probably too stingy to tell other men...LMAO...B ut most of it isn't teachable, only obtainable with age and experience...h ahaha So he said, you mean I can still fuke things up? I said, you dont learn if you don't make mistakes...You don't become stronger if you don't get hurt sometimes...ha haha

He then said what about you? You must have gotten a lot of girls? I said, I'm a good trainer, but a horrible boxer....LOL

[JonniJacko]

I was working hard. Going above and beyond..I really respected this group of workers...I work with them before and they are just a group of hard workers.Took care of my workers. Made sure they were set up for success and was well ahead of plan... I finally sat down, just for a brief moment and watch a short clip on my phone. In the corner of my eyes I see someone walking hastily towards me. Before I look, I felt a unpleasant energy. So Intuitively I got up look and it was a manager from a different department. He got pretty close in my face, started to almost "dogg" me. Saying you can't sit down, come on man you know that. Instead of just leaving after that, he proceeded to tell me "be mindful, they're working hard,while they see you sitting is going to rubbed them the wrong way"...."if you need to sit down, or take a break, or use your phone- go to the break room, have someone cover you"

I look at him sternly straight in the eyes and said "Man to Man, you're just sizing up on me now are you, If you're having a bad day, don't put your frustration on me... Write me up if you want, call me out respectfully if you need to, but please don't question my manhood. I don't do that to you or anyone, please me mindful yourself."...He walked away fast.

A half hour goes by. My Manager comes talk to me. He was like "I know you, me personally, I don't care what you do as long as you stay efficient and get the job done, if you need to sit down, watch videos on your phone to unwind a little, just try to keep it minimal, and be discreet doing so. look around and make sure nobody who can write you up is around. judge how many minutes you can afford to slack off before getting back to business".....then he leaves...and said "don't worry, you're on my off limits list" that means I'm not getting no write up for something petty like that.....Then I lightly hollar out "yo, you  know I own this place right" he turns the corner and laughs....He knows it.

So yeah folks, don't ever let anyone's work title intimidate you. If someone sizes up on you, it's a form of disrespect...a nd when that happens, you get into street mode with them...You put them in their place...they really want to size up....they need me more than I need them...I bring more than just hard work, I bring joy, peace, and harmony...And everyone who knows me like that, knows that's a damn fact..That place would be nothing without me..People there would be heartbroken if I leave.....haha ha

Insecure ass mofo pick on the wrongggg Hmiggaaa....ha ha

Man, thinking now what really got me red, was the guy was implying me that "Im lazy".....

Hell naww, I aint lazy....even my workers would occasionally tell me to take it easy, take a rest, don't worry about them,...they even remind me "hey, break time...or it's lunch time".....the reason my area is always clean is not because of me, but because of them doing a little part of my job for me as a show of respect that I work hard for them...so they can make rate....day in and day out....

I can't believe how fuking petty humans are these days...It's dispicable.... fuke man....hahaha that's it...I'm having a great weekend now...LOL

[JonniJacko]

Dear Uncle,

You never once complain about how hard life was for you. Orphaned at early age, soldier at 11, lost most of your siblings either due to illness or the effects of war. You and Pap stayed positive, you were the introvert, pap the extrovert. You never asked for much, never had much. Everything you ever own was always second hand. Cars, wives...hehe oops...But your love, it was first class.... You were proud to give things and people a second chance. 20 years ago, the doctors said you have less than 1% to make it out of your second heart attack. You woke up, alive, and slowly regain consicous..Doc s couldn't explain or agree.

I said its foolish, but you insisted that it was because of my Prayer. Said you felt me held your hand, and heard me prayed...To be fair, eldest cousin was crying uncontrollably ..And I just pray..somethin g I probably do once every 10 years...hahaha

Uncle, if I ever have a son, I would be honor to have you as my son in your next life time. I would give you everything, a life that you deserve. Though Im sure, all you would ever ask for again...is to love and be loved. To be wanted, to be seen.

RIP my dear Uncle. I will try my hardest not to shed  a tear. Because you and pap always use to tell us boys, real men only cry once in their life. When they are born...haha

Love ya Uncle.

[JonniJacko]

The most important stage in your life is actually your last years. It's when the reality really hits. Old age, health issues, your time coming closer and closer. This is when most people really understand the true meaning of Love. You don't think about your money, your houses, or cars during these times..You don't think about all the times you had sex with someone, LOL- you think about all the times, when someone genuinely really loved or cared about you.... You only think, is this person next to me out of love or out of obligation. Is the person going to feel a great loss, or are they going to smile once the curtains roll down.

You don't necessarily give your love to the one you love, or to the one who loves you. But You give it to the one who deservingly asked for it............ ....That my friends, is the real way of "giving away your love".

[JonniJacko]

Thor is a new guy. Very shy, very timid, but a happy kid. Or so he masked it...one day, I witness him getting talk down, get boss around, and getting blame for things....So one day, thinking, I use to be just like him...And how I wished I had a mentor pulled me to the side and just give me a pep talk. So one day, during lunch I saw him walk by and I interrupted him.

I said "im in a good generous mood, may I buy you lunch today"...he laughs out loud and said "you don't have to"..Then I look at him seriously and said, I need to talk to you. His smile faded away.

I said to him "if I ever see you let others punk you around again because you let them, I'm going to kick your ass, understand?"

He said nerevousely  "uhh,,yaa, yeahh, yeahh for sure"

I said " Im joking, but not really"...we both laughed out loud...

Then suddenly,

he look both angry and confused at the same time. He said "Boss, I'm getting bullied too much around here"

I said, what kind of bully...He then said "I got punch in the restroom few weeks ago"

I asked who, and he gave me 3 names....

I report the incident, and investigation was underway right away... those three people I haven't seen since....

as for Thor, he said he had to quit...I said, he's safe here..But he insisted, he needs a fresh start and take some MMA classes to build his confidence. I said okay, stay in touch...

Two weeks pass by, then I get a text from him to a link of him sparring. He looks pretty solid...Said he's really loving MMA....and wants to be the next George St Pierre...I said, don't, be better....


Folks, that's it...It's not that hard to show compassion to those in need.....some just need a little pep talk, that someone out there see's them and cares...it's not much asking...not at all......

[JonniJacko]

I was at Marshalls looking for some long sleeve shirts. I was thinking, inside this very Marshalls I use to know someone who works here. This old friend has not cross my mind in ages. And honestly, I think the last time I saw the guy was a few years after high school. It got me thinking....Ha s it really been a quarter century already since we last graduated.... Then a rush of shame, guilt came over me. This was a guy who really look out for me like a brother. He tried to hook me up to work there I remember. He invited me along to several hangouts. He even found me a prom date.

The thing was, I just hit my rebellious years towards the end of high school. I wasn't really thinking about taking college seriously, graduating with a degree and landing a solid career, buy a house, find a life partner, start a family. Honestly, I was thinking...I uhh wasn't thinking...I was pretty closed off actually. I wanted to see what my options were. Say the least, I was pretty much a loser..hahaha Couldn't hold to a dang job for more than a month. Couldn't sit in a classroom for more than 30 minutes...LOL Some people must think, I'm that "Kid rock" guy..Who just works, parties, and bring a different girl home every night....Far from that...remembe r, I was closed off..I kept to myself. I felt something off about the world...I couldn't conform..hahah a But because I was not necessarily a productive citizen, I felt portraying that "bad boy" image would be more fitting and so it kind of stuck...LOL I never manipulated any girl just because. Hell, a few even took their tops off in front of me. And nobody is going to believe me, but I button their shirt back, tell them to "save it for their husband"...hahhaa

One memory I have with this old friend was one time, he called me early morning. Said he and the crew, at the time his group of friends consisted mostly girls, and just one other dude, plus me (sometimes) made three of us dudes and 5 or 6 other girls. We were the "good" kids. Stay outta trouble, didn't make friends with anyone who wore baggy pants or have bleached hair...haha

Anyway, they were planning a surprise go away party for this one girl in the group. She was going down So Cal for college. So He was getting all the balloons, cake, food, ribbons and what not. He asked me to tag along, I oblige. We made several stops. Each time, he would say, you can just stay inside the car, it'll be quick, most everything I "will call" already..Yeah "will call" isn't used as much today anymore, but its pretty much pre-ordered. The internet wasn't that advance yet back then...LOL.... .So I stayed. Thinking, he just needed a body guard maybe of some sort..He did have new car at the time, so I thought nothing much....(those late 90's civics MSRP were 20k at the time and a popular theft car) hahah

We finally get to the balloon shop. He said..."hey, can you "get" the balloons?"...I said "yeah, sure"...What I didn't know was what he really meant by "get"..was if I can pay for the balloons...LOL I got out, went into the store, said Im here to pick up some balloons...The n the clerk rang up the balloons and I turn warm all over my face. I took out my gas money, 40 bucks, and handed it to the clerk....

I got inside the car, and the friend said, Thanks, I'll let Julie know you paid for the balloons.

I don't know, who was right or wrong at the time...In a way, I felt taken advantaged of. In Another way, I felt, he has every right to test my friendship- he's done a lot for me....So it was fair...I guess...

I don't know what happened after that, either they all decided to not include me anymore in their outings, or they really all got busy and move on with their lives....

regardless, I hope they are all doing well now....I doubt they are involve with the Hmong communities... hahah They have no social media, I've already check...LOL

But going back to me just kind of doing my own thing...Do I regret for not forming stronger connections with that group of friends? No, I follow my heart, and although the thought that I might turn out better had I took them seriously, I don't regret....I had to be honest to myself and to them. We just didn't really vibe like that.

They took the simple steady road..Nothing wrong with that....But I wanted to see where the dark roads lead me to...Boy, did I see and experience a lot of shit...and there were times I do wonder had I made the wrong choice...LOL But it's what made me and mold me to be the Warrior I am today...LOL

If anything, the average human is equal. It's just how you want your blessings to come to you. Some people choose blessings first, then pain later...Some choose to suffer now and enjoy later...Some choose the simple, boring, but safe route.....and a few, have chosen the devil....LOL

So today, when I get people telling me, "why me, why do I have so much bad luck, I'm such a loser"....I'll just smile and said "it's just not your time to shine yet"...its like when your 6th grade teacher asked you You want the good news or bad news first......And the better option on paper was get the bad news first......hah aha

[JonniJacko]

I can't remember the last time a song got me teary eyed...lol j/k, I don't know how to cry. even if I want to..lols

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQOamTh-bpA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMVyQ96tDsg&list=RDlQOamTh-bpA&index=3

[JonniJacko]

It was like a scene straight out of a movie....

I walked out of Walgreens, and as I got out walking to the car. I saw a small Family. I can tell they were Hmong. The couple must of had like 6 kids, all young. I saw how the mother was pestering her kids to behave, while the Father was trying to help keep the noises down. I heard him said, "kids, be good, daddy will be right back"...As he walks opposite of me I locked eyes with the father, and we both nodded awkwardly at each other.....like we both knew we were both Hmong...LOL

I drove off, thinking...In my mind, he's probably thinking, I'm envious. How I wished I was in his position..A proud father, a leader, a provider..But then it dawn on me...Maybe, he's thinking, how he'd wish he was still single and childless like me...LOL

I later self reflect..I lied down on my chair. Feeling a little guilt, regret, mix feelings...The n...I could have swore I heard a voice.......it was soft but brief...

"remember, the signs"

That was it....but then again, I did have two empty beer bottles on the floor and one half empty on the coffee table...lol

[JonniJacko]

Saw a guy struggling to push his dead car away from the road.....The guy in front of me hopped out to help...Now both of them are trying to push the car but struggling...T he guy looked at me, I look at the cars around me...All women...So I turned on my blinkers, got out of my car to help the guys push...I don't know why it was so hard to push the car...I look inside the car and notice the car was on reverse not neutral...So I asked the guy the car belong to, if it's okay to put the car in neautral..He said "no fricken wonder!"

Later I told a friend...He said, actually the car will still be moveable in reverse..Maybe just not as smooth, but should still act as if the car is a neautral..but maybe again, it depends on the make, model, year too....haha I said maybe, but that I should of just drove off. I got home an hour later than usual...haha but it felt nice to experience and see some humanity in action, its been some while since I did anything meaningful to a stranger...LOL